all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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