the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
