The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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