I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
