just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
