every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
