we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
