I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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