Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
