I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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