Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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