i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
