I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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