omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
