ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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