he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
