never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
