Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
