ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
