I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
