STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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