Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
