It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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