The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
