So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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