need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
