Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
