I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
