Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
