so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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