my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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