There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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