she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
