Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
