and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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