Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
