remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I smell like Dick and happiness
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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