im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
