Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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