I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
