sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize