I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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