I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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