Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
