This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
