the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
