she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
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Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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