I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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