i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I need to calm my uterus...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
