i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
