he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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