his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize