I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
