so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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