Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
