I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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