Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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