Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
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It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
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Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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