so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
