one two three fourrrrnication!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
