I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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