So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
