woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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